Masking : What ~ Why ~ Where ~ When ~ Effects
Masking - verb
hiding, concealing, cloaking, screening, disguising, covering-up, obscuring, camouflaging.
These words are highly descriptive and we can almost visualise something being deliberately removed from sight and effectively made invisible.
In an autistic sense, masking more specifically means to hide or disguise parts of ourselves so that we feel we fit in better with the neurotypical world and are also perceived to fit in more by non autistic (neurotypical) people.
Why do we mask?
Every autistic person will have their own reasons for why they mask but there are also key facts that underpin the need to mask that are common in most, if not all autistic people.
The way we choose to live our lives and what is normal for us in a social sense is different to other people around us. In order not to draw attention to ourselves, we feel pressured to hide who we really are and become like those other people around us so that we can blend in anonymously to what feels like the alien world around us.
Many who have had their neurology confirmed as autistic later in life have spent their entire lives up to that point hiding their autistic traits and trying to fit in.
Where do we mask?
Masking can take place anywhere. Probably the most common is within a workplace, often where managers and colleagues may not know you're autistic. However, even when they are aware, there is often still that inner desire within us to just be like everyone else and not be perceived to be troublesome or a 'loose cannon'.
But some will mask in relationships, in social situations and with family simply because the desire to not stand out and be perceived to be 'weird' or to stop ourselves feeling awkward is just too strong.
When do we mask?
When we mask will depend on the individual. If we need to do it, we will have our own routines for doing so.
For some, it will feel like we wake up, pop the mask on then get on with our day.
For others, the mask may only appear when confronted with a stressful situation.
Effects
Because as a strategy, masking is so heavily ingrained into our psyches, it ends up becoming our 'normal'. More often that not, we spend the majority of our lives hiding our traits and trying to fit in to the non autistic world but even in doing this, although we might think we look just like any other person going about their daily business, the chances are there are still characteristics on display that set us apart from the non-autists that we are trying to fit in with.
We may supress certain behaviours that we find soothing but that others think are ‘weird’, such as stimming or intensive interests.
Some of us will mimick the behaviour of those around us, copying various behaviours and even adopting the sounds of another person's voice who we have observed to be acting in a way that courts popularity with others.
At a deeper level, some autistic people develop complex and detailed social scripts in order to get by in social situations.
If you ask a cross section of autistic people, they will likely say that they enjoy being different and not 'following the pack' so to speak but because we still have judgement and prejudice out there in the world and often see this as a reaction from other people to difference, we end up succumbing to the super strong pull to just be like everyone else so as not to draw attention to ourselves.
It really is a juxtaposition of issues.
Over time we may become more aware of our own masking and certainly, if you're over 35 at the point you get your neurological confirmation ('diagnosis' if you want to call it that), there will likely be a huge and long period of reflection and taking stock and you may decide that because your neurology has now been formally confirmed so to speak, you want to stop masking and be the authentic you. Then we face the question - 'Who am I?'
Masking often begins as an unconscious response to some sort of social trauma (I can totally pinpoint my own), before we're even aware of our neurological differences.
From birth, we've been autistic and our autistic journey follows the same physiological progression; autistic children, young people, older adults, parents etc.
It is often only once we become aware that we're autistic and start to read up and learn and listen to the experiences of others that 'the penny drops' so to speak and we realise that what we've been doing all along to get by is to mask the person we really are and hide our true selves away.
Quite how we then start to remove our masks and get back to our true selves can be a very difficult process and is a whole other topic in its own right.
Longer term, masking can be hugely detrimental to our mental health and wellbeing.
If you're an autistic person reading this, you'll likely know this already but beyond our own lived experiences, research has also shown this to be the case.
For me personally, it's incredibly draining which then leads onto autistic fatigue and sometimes burn out.
Bouts of mental ill-health (including but not limited to anxiety and depression) are a regular feature in my life as I try to keep my plates spinning in the way I like to spin them and try to cope with the demands of living in a world that just isn't set up for my way of thinking and doing things.
Until we live in a world where more non autistic people have that extra awareness of the condition, we will always feel that we need to mask. Spreading that awareness is no easy task and although I myself am involved with a few projects aimed at doing just this, it will take years before that acceptance is fully ingrained into society.
Until we reach that stage, our best option as autistic people is to ensure that we work hard on maintaining and improving our own mental health and wellbeing. That doesn't mean we rip off our masks here and now but just to be more mindful of how frequently we use the strategy to cope and what effect it is having on us.
Try and link up with groups of other autistic people. There is nothing as valuable as feeling that you can be that 'true self' person you seek to find or rediscover and when you're amongst likeminded individuals, that process becomes much easier.
AS North West was created with this in mind. We are a group of autistic adults over 35 and welcome others like us.