It's always worth reminding close friends and family that you do have difficulties at this time of year but that you’ll do what you can to manage them.

If you live with someone who takes on the organising of festive gatherings and keeps tabs on invitations received from others, remind them of any needs you have in relation to social occasions such as; knowing detail - what, where, who, when etc. and that there needs to be at least one free day between events.

Try and organise that there is only one social activity per day and then a gap of at least one day before further activities (this can be difficult with Christmas Day and Boxing Day but if there is no way of not doing this for these two days, try and make each days’ event relatively short if you can).

If you have family and/or friends coming to your home, make sure that you have a quiet space you can retreat to for a period of time or for short bursts of time, to recharge your batteries.

If you are going to someone else’s house, insofar as you can, try and set a reasonable time to leave in advance. It can be difficult when things are left open-ended as people will often try and cajoule you into staying longer so set those boundaries from the outset.

Ask (or get a friend / partner to ask), if the place you're going to will have a quiet corner somewhere that you can use by yourself if you need it.

Meals!

If you know there will be a meal where you are going, don’t feel bad about making your food do’s and don’t’s known.  If several people enjoy sprouts but you can’t tolerate the smell of them cooking, perhaps they could be substituted with a different vegetable. Don’t be afraid to ask for just a sandwich or even bring your own food.  That way, you can still be ‘at the table’ and be perceived to be sociable but you can eat what you like and thereby eliminate any food related anxiety.

If you have a partner, ensure they advocate for you and remain on-side. Christmas can be a notorious time for family arguments and disagreements and we can sometimes feel like we are the cause of these with our varying needs and sometimes anxious demeanours.  It doesn’t help if our partners or families try to coax us into doing things we don’t enjoy just because they have jumped further into the Christmas ‘spirit’ than we can.  They need to be able to speak up for/with you if you are struggling.

Don't feel you have to accept every invitation.  People are good at saying things like, "Oh, you must come" and although this is well meant, it can feel like pressure is being piled on. Remember that there is no obligation.

Some of us struggle with work parties for a whole variety of reasons.  Any social event put on by any company cannot be made mandatory so you don't have to go but for us, it's often the strain of having to explain to colleagues and defend our choice that causes the most stress.  If you don't want to go, don't be afraid to say so.  Your wellbeing comes first and it would be illegal for you to be called out or harrassed about it by your employer.

If you're someone who enjoys socialising and doesn't mind attending parties and the like, then you've got plenty to look forward to at this time of year but it's always worth remembering your own limitations, particularly when it comes to looking after your sensory considerations.  One or two of the below suggestions may be helpful;

Alcohol can fill us with the confidence and sociability to actually engage in a conversation and even start one off.  It can make us feel part of what's going on and that we're just a bit more 'like everyone else'.  If you enjoy a drink, whether it's purely for enjoyment reasons or as a bit of a crutch during a social event, remember to pre-set your limit.  Nobody - autistic or not - relishes the thought of being updated next day by someone else on whatever out-of-character thing it was they did the night before.  Also remember that being on the autism spectrum makes us more vulnerable and you want to get home safely.

Can you arrive with anyone else?  

If you feel anxious at the thought of turning up by yourself, can you arrange to arrive with a friend or colleague?  It doesn't mean you have to stick to their side all evening but it can help take the edge off of the attention and overwhelm when you first walk in if you don't relish the thought of walking in on your own.

Will there be food on offer?  

Do you know what it will be?  Will you like it?

Think about taking some food of your own to have during the evening.

Make sure you've organised transport home before you even leave to get there.  Taxis get booked up quickly at this time of year.  

Will you be driving?  Maybe head over to the venue a few days beforehand or look at 'Streetview' online to find out where the parking is.

When you arrive, make sure you seek out any areas where you can take a break. Unfortunately, depending on the venue, it may just be the toilets or an area where people go to smoke but anywhere you can escape the full-on environment even for a short time, can provide welcome relief for those times when the noise, people, lights, get too much.

Remember your ear buds / noise cancelling headphones / flare calmers.  

You know how it is - if it's music we love, we can tolerate it louder than most people and get that amazing high from it but if it's music we hate then it becomes the most aggravating, annoying and sensorily upsetting thing in the world. There's no way we're going to be asking the DJ to turn it down so when it's time for the music you just can't stand, popping a discreet ear plug / defender will muffle the worst of the sound so it's not as unbearable for you.

If you're going with a partner, make sure they can spot the signs of when you are approaching overwhelm and also make sure they can advocate for you.  Agree in advance whether, if one of you wants to leave sooner than the other, will the other person stay on or will they also leave.

As autistic people, we'd all hope to be understood (at least to a degree) and supported by our families.  For some, this doesn't happen. For others, they may get minimal understanding as and when it suits the other person.  Others are lucky enough to have family members who make the effort to understand and to ask for information when they don't.  Whatever your family dynamic, be clear about what your needs are at this time of year. It may be that you don't see various family members at all throughout the year and to have everyone descend at once can be very overwhelming.

If you don't like to be hugged, say so (preferably in advance).

If you have another family member that you're particularly close to and who 'gets' you, or a partner for example, ask them to convey your wishes to other family members.  It can work much better this way as it takes away the awkwardness for you of you bringing it up and it also shows others that there are two of you 'on side' so to speak.

When you go visiting others, pack a small bag with anything that you normally turn to when you're overwhelmed or stressed; fidget toys, water bottle, ear plugs / defenders, book, stress ball, soft toy/plushy etc.  If you're driving, it can even be left in the car until (and if) you need it.  As an example, I have a small weighted blanket that I use to help when I'm anxious.  I take it in the car as it's small when folded up and usually, just knowing I have it with me is enough to keep me calm to the extent that I don't end up needing it in whatever situation it was.

If you are affected by ARFID (Avoidant and Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) or any of it's sub conditions, be sure to check what will be there to eat and if it doesn't suit you, take a bag of snacks for yourself or even ask if you can bring food to put in the fridge.  People shouldn't mind if they're keen to put in some effort towards making you feel comfortable.