Autism Alert Cards

A Word (or several) About Communication

Communication is a fundamental part of how we all understand and relate to one another.  Everyone talks and behaves in unique ways, with many of us having personal verbal or body language quirks that are part of what make us all the unique individuals that we are.

The subtleties of these different methods of communicating can make understanding other people confusing, especially for autistic people.

Familiarising yourself with information on how an autistic person might communicate is one of the most helpful ways to reduce confusion for everyone and anxiety for the autistic person themselves.  It’s important to realise that no two autistic people will communicate in the same way.  There are, however, some general things to consider.

By having a good general knowledge of autism and communication, you open the door to more effective communication between all.

Understanding Autism and Communication

When considering how to improve the way you communicate, it can be helpful to first appreciate how communication might be more difficult for us autistic people.

Unfortunately over time, wider society has perpetuated assumptions that we struggle with social skills, are either shy, unfriendly or stand-offish, and cannot feel or express emotions.

These assumed traits are unfair, untrue and should be dismissed as ignorance.

For example, we may sometimes be unable to find the right words to initiate a conversation, we likely won't understand body language and social cues, and we may internalise emotions rather than expressing them outwardly.

Some autistic people cannot quickly adapt to conversations or respond to words in the same way neurotypical people might.  This is not because we cannot communicate ‘correctly’, we may just have our own preferred way of communicating.  It could also be because we are extremely anxious about the situation we are in at the time.

Because the experience of being autistic is hugely different for each person, there will always be variety in the way autistic people behave and speak (or attempt to speak). We are not deliberately being strange or unsociable, we're just seeking the best and most stress free ways to express ourselves.  It is most helpful to bear this in mind rather than jump to unhelpful conclusions which we may pick up on, thereby increasing our anxiety levels.  This could potentially lead to a communication 'shutdown' where the autistic person becomes either unwilling or physically unable  to speak (mutism).

How Do Autistic People Communicate?

It's super important to remember, that there is no one size fits all – autistic people are not a homogeneous group.  That said, some of us might use these communication techniques;

• Non-verbal communication – pointing, gesturing, physically moving someone to the thing we need, writing words.
• Sounds and crying – due to not understanding, feeling frustrated or anxious, or being unable to use the right words.
• Echolalia – the term given to repeating phrases and words heard in the past, hoping these phrases ‘fit’ the current situation.
• Picking out keywords or phrases – then focusing on the literal meanings and responding accordingly to those words only.

For an autistic person, focusing on the literal meaning of specific words creates a reply that makes sense to them, but it may seem out of place, stilted or overly formal within a conversation to a neurotypical person.

Analysing words and not tones is why some of us might have trouble understanding sarcasm, metaphors, and humorous language.  For example, it could seriously upset us if you were to use irony in a sentence, delivered in a serious manner.  We will be struggling to piece your words together and understand what you are saying and may become distressed when we can't do this.  You then come out and say "I was only joking" to diffuse our angst and this will often only serve to upset us further.  How could we possibly know you were joking when there was no smile on your face or laugh in your voice?  It is actually quite cruel to deliberately and knowingly interact with an autistic person in this way and can cause us a lot of hurt and distress.

Communication Behaviour

Whilst talking with someone, an autistic individual might also:

• Change topics quickly – it can be difficult for some of us to stay on topic as we deal with incoming stimuli.  It may seem like we are avoiding something or are unfocused, yet it is usually the other way around, as our minds move quickly to deal with each input.

• Make no eye contact – we can talk with you but we may struggle to talk to you directly, and will often not make eye contact. Again, this is not an unfriendly action.  Read more about eye contact below...

Eye Contact and Communication

Avoiding eye contact may help an autistic person speak more clearly and with more focus as it takes away all the stimuli that come with looking into someones eyes, which in itself can cause an overload of information and also wrongful interpretation of expressions.

For some of us, low self-esteem can be a hindrance to eye contact.

Some people may also prefer to speak with their eyes shut which enables them to focus purely on the words of the conversation.

• You should never, ever force an autistic person to make eye contact with you during a conversation as, for many of us, this can cause great stress, discomfort, alarm and anxiety.
   
   

How to Talk with Autistic People

To fully understand what is being conveyed in conversations, we rely heavily on language and words (or lack of words) and not on the facial expressions, body language or subtle inferences that are coming from the other person.

Here are some useful tips to use when speaking to someone who may be having difficulty communicating....

• Speak With Clarity
• One of the best things you can do is speak with clear and concise words.  Use simple and plain sentences that cannot have more than one meaning.
• Be direct and avoid using figures of speech as non-literal language can be confusing.  Slang, nuance, idioms and sarcasm can cause confusion and double-meaning.
• Tip : Keep it literal

Avoid Terms of Endearment

Like sarcasm or slang, terms of endearment, including things like ‘honey’, ‘love’ or ‘mate’, can cause confusion and should be avoided.

Of course, these are not intended to be offensive or derogatory terms and many people use them as part of their own, everyday way of speaking, but an autistic person may take them literally or find them uncomfortable.

Address the Individual by Name

Using our name at the beginning of a conversation, question or important statement is a good thing to do.  This ensures that we know to pay attention and listen instead of just trying to block out background noise which is something we often do in busy and unfamiliar situations.  If you don’t know our name (and it's not on any card we might be carrying), ask us!  Taking that moment to ask and find out is polite and also helps make a connection.

Avoid Open-Ended Questions

Something like ‘how was your day?’ is an open-ended question that many neurotypical people will answer without hesitation.  However, questions with so many possible answers and interpretations can be challenging for autistic people to answer.  Some of us may also be alexithymic which means that we struggle to both identify and explain our feelings and emotions, so will be unable to answer.

Questions that are necessary and require a specific answer are much better.  It can also help to offer options or choices to help guide but not control the conversation however, be careful not to offer too many choices as this can be overwhelming for us.

Talk About What We Want to Discuss

Trying to force the conversation in a certain direction is not a useful approach.  Instead, talk about what we're doing and let us lead the subject.

Some of us may talk a lot about one particular thing.  Sticking to topics that we want to discuss keeps the conversation going and can help us feel more relaxed within the interaction.

Avoid Overloading Information

Autistic people can find it a challenge to filter out less important information, which in turn, can lead to us being overloaded, meaning that we then struggle to process new incoming information.

If we appear to be going into overwhelm, or we're anxious, (signs can be that we either stop speaking or our speech becomes too fast, we start pacing about or use self-soothing actions), begin to slow your pace or stop the conversation.  If something must be said, use minimal words and avoid questions.  This break allows us time to catch up and deal with stimuli.

If it seems like a conversation is becoming distressing, it can also be helpful to remove visual communications.  Whilst eye contact and movements are usually a good thing, during an overload, they can become unwanted stimuli.

You should also be aware of the surrounding environment – could background noise be causing overload?  Are too many people talking at once?  Is the light too bright?  Is it too busy?  Finding a quiet place reduces sensory input and will help avoid overload.

Be Patient

If it’s necessary to wait for a response to a question, then give us time.  If we don't respond straight away, it could be that we need more time to absorb and process the information.

Expect the Unexpected

Some of us may use gestures, sounds and echolalia to process and respond to specific words.  We may use many or a few different communication methods.

If we do or say something unexpected or change the subject, don't try and force us to get back on track.  It’s important to listen and try and understand what we’re trying to say.  If we continue to struggle, offer us pen and paper as sometimes we find it easier to write things down than to speak. 

Keep being patient, go with the flow of the conversation and allow the us to communicate in our own preferred way.

Try Written or Visual Communication

If verbal communication is less effective, try writing or using visuals.  Someone who struggles to talk may be happy to restart the conversation on paper, using written words or pictures / emojis.

This can also be true for someone who is in a state of overload / overwhelm.  Some of us can become mute in these situations so - provded we have capacity at the time - it is much better for us to write.

Sensory or so-called 'fidget' toys may also help some of us feel more comfortable when in a situation where we have to talk and/or get our points across.  It helps to distract us so that we are not totally focused on the fact that we are trying to talk to somebody about something.  Forcing our brains to think solely about what we are doing can become overwhelming.

Adults With Autism

One of the most important things to do when talking with an autistic adult is to address and converse with them as you would any other adult, and not as if you were speaking to a child.  This can be construed as intensely patronising, and I have experienced it myself in several different scenarios.

We may understand every word said but may have difficulty processing what has been said and then responding verbally.  Please do not assume that we have limited skills or abilities! 

When in a group setting, please do not speak about us as if we're not there. 

Environment

Remember, that if you are reading this page as a result of being directed here by an autism alert card, you should also pay attention to the environment you and the autistic person are in.  Is there a lot of noise going on?  What is the lighting like?  It is busy?  Are there overwhelming scents?  It is worth noting that many of us have one or more sensory sensitivities.  Sometimes, there may be nothing you can do to change the environment and if that's the case, you just need to bear in mind that communication may be challenging for the person with these external sensory considerations factored in. 

However, if it is possible to make some adjustments, can you move to a different room, somewhere quieter?  Can you move away from a thoroughfare with a lot of people passing by?  Can you dim the lights?  Shut a door?  Ensure the walls aren't plastered with confusing literature and visual stimuli?  These may seem like simple things but could go a long way to alleviating discomfort for us and in turn, aiding communication.  If you're not sure if something would be helpful to us - ask. 

So what next?

Now you've read this far, you'll have a really good understanding of how best to communicate with and therefore assist an autistic person. But yes, there is an awful lot to try and remember so why not download and print our handy quick reference guide and WordCloud.  That way, you'll always have the helpful information you need readily to hand. Just click the links below.

Ask me more...

I have previously been into schools and liaised with workplaces to talk, educate and raise awareness of autism.  In schools, age appropriate, informal and informative, 20-30 minute talks with a Q & A session at the end.  With workplaces, highlighting the benefits of employing autistic individuals and how employers can make their workplaces or job roles more 'friendly' and engaging for autistic individuals.  And this comes not just from the academic knowledge I have gleaned over the last 5 years but also from the perspective of somebody who themselves is autistic and lives with many of the challenges highlighted above on a daily basis. 

If you would like me to help you further understand autism from an autistic person's perspective, please click  HERE  to get in touch.